News | Rainbows and Clover

I found the baby photo albums this morning. Of course, any excuse to stop…I settled in to the sofa to spend some time reminiscing. I always look at pictures from this time with surprise. Like a spectator trying to understand the family I am seeing. At the time I was barely functioning; so sleep deprived and anxious that my memories are a blurry fuzz. But in the photos, that mother. She looks so happy, so …together. She is holding her babies, smiling and laughing. There are baby bath shots, feeding shots, solids, walking, play time and coffee group shots. Family time and baking and washing folding and all the hallmark Mummy Activities. But Mummy was acting. I remember how it really was, inside my head. I just wanted to cry, with as much feeling as my babies did. Sometimes, I was scarily detached even from my own distress. Sometimes I just felt empty and dead inside, at a time when I knew my babies needed me to feel connected and certain. Looking back I can see how it all happened as it did. There was big stuff going on. My own mother ... click here to read on